I was on my way back from Mayo Clinic with a diagnosis of POTS. I remember feeling relieved at first and then quickly overwhelmed with what this meant for my life. It was bittersweet. It felt so much better to know what I was fighting, yet discouraging to know what it was and that this would be a difficult life-long road ahead of me. Since then, our lives have truly been a roller coaster- moments filled with hope and normalcy and times spent in the pit of despair. As I reflect on the last year I am filled with converging and diverse emotions. I am so grateful that I am not feeling like I did a year ago. Last July, August and September I barely made it out of bed. I was dizzy, nauseous, and achy all of the time, and so exhausted that brushing my hair felt like a marathon. I was unable to be a wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend and instead was completely dependant on those around me for support. It was humbling, maddening, frustrating, frightening, depressing, painful and it left no other option than to depend on the Lord for strength to make it through each moment, each day.
This journey has been one that has grown me like no other. I realize that life is a gift and that at any moment it could change. I’ve realized that each moment I have with those I love is to be treasured. I’ve learned to be more deliberate in my time with my family and to take my roles as wife and mother as a gift. I will never take for granted the good days again. I’ve seen God’s power and His amazing provision through those around me. I’ve learned what it truly means to “bear with one another,” as so many have carried our burdens with us this year. I’ve learned that “my plan,” is not necessarily God’s plan for my life and that I have to be open and willing to accept His desires for my life. I’ve realized that there is a silver lining in being forced to “slow it down.” It’s okay to take things a moment at a time. It’s okay to lay on the floor with my kids all day. It’s okay to not be showered or have make-up on when you drive your son to school. Appearances are fleeting. I’ve dealt with weight gain, muscle atrophy, massive hair loss, and have had to deal with my vanity. I’ve learned that there will always be those that judge, but there is only ONE that I answer to - my Lord. I’ve learned what my priorities should be, and that before I often wasted my time on frivolities that didn’t truly matter. I’ve learned to tune out “guilt-trips,” and expectations of others and instead listen to the true prodding of the Holy Spirit. I’ve learned how humbling it is to receive so much, and be unable to give back equally. My true friendships and relationships have been illuminated and strengthened through this refining life experience and I thank the Lord for this encouragement from all of His saints.
And my journey isn’t over yet… I am still battling POTS, but just as a country long at war, it’s become a part of my every day life. It doesn’t define me, consume me, like it used to. The way I feel each day has become “normal” to me. I know my limits. I know my triggers. I know when my body says slow down. And I know when I can push a bit more. I try not to live in fear, when I have bad days and I try to be reasonable in my expectations of myself when I feel almost normal again. The Lord is working on my heart and challenging me to live each day to the fullest and depend on Him for strength. I continue to pray for more “good days” than “bad days,” and God has been faithful to this lament. Those of you that read the blog, see all of the wonderful memories that we’ve been able to create despite my health this last year. I am thankful for all of these. These pictures don’t present the whole truth, as you don’t see all the bad moments. But, I’m grateful that when my kids look back on this year when they’re older, they won’t see much evidence of my illness. This is how I want it to be. I want them to see that although each day is a challenge (which they know because they live it with us), and life contains more hurdles than it used to…Ben and I are plugging along, relying on God for our strength, filling our hearts with His peace and trying to consider all things, even these trials, PURE JOY.
Today, we finally went up to my Gramps place to try out his complex’s pool. We filled out the permission forms months ago, but just hadn’t made it up there yet. It seemed like perfect timing too because it happened to be his birthday. The kids were excited to show Bop Pop their new swimming skills. We spent some time visiting and opening gifts first and then went to the pool (there was a day camp group there prior). The pool was SO nice. It had a ramp to get in and all sorts of toys and pool floaties were available. The kids started out in their comfort zone, by wearing their inter-tubes. But by the end they were swimming with kick boards instead. We were especially proud of Braedan who kicked himself across the pool with a kick-board all by himself. This is a huge accomplishment for him, as he’s so cautious and nervous. We truly saw him relax and start to get comfortable with the water; knowing that we were right there. He put his face in and swam–another big step. Logan was a little less comfortable, but did float on his back unassisted. We’re getting there! Check out some pics here.
To say that Josh was excited to propose to Erin, would be the understatement of the year! He’s had the ring for awhile, but now just needed to concoct the perfect proposal. Anyone who knows Erin, knows that she is super observant and has a keen attention to detail. So how do you fool her? She is one of those people who is very difficult to surprise. So Josh had his work cut out for him. When he finally decided what to do, Ben and I were ready and willing to help. Josh set up that he had a lot going on at work and even worked a couple of “fake late nights” to throw Erin off. I presented the idea of a girl’s night out because Ben was “golfing on Thursday” (he usually does) and my mom had the kids for a special playdate. I pretty much invited myself over to see Josh and Erin’s new place and came up with a story about going downtown Naperville to get a bday present for Ben and my Grandpa. It worked out perfectly as Josh called Erin and said he had to work late again. Erin was on a mission to find more throw pillows for their new couches, so a trip to Pottery Barn was suggested (it was right by the park where the proposal was to happen). Unfortunately a few glitches made it difficult to get Erin there on time. I was late to her apartment because of the kids’ swim lessons. There was practically NO parking in downtown Naperville because of a concert in the park and the fact that it was the first beautiful night in a string of hot and muggy ones. We quickly looked at Pottery Barn, all the while I’m getting texts from Ben saying to speed it up. Erin realized that he was texting a lot and I had to come up with a quick quip that “Ben’s being needy.” Finally after telling Erin that the pillows were overpriced and that I could sew her better ones (seriously as grasping for excuses here), I walk her out of Pottery Barn. We were supposed to head to Barnes and Noble next, but I needed to get her to the park before daylight ran out. So, I came up with an even lamer excuse that I wanted to see this new park they’d put over here. Erin, being the polite one that she is, didn’t point out that the park is NOT new and just followed me. Good for her that she did, or it really would’ve been a mess. Soon, she realized why I’d been so weird for the evening as she saw Josh standing in the middle of the wooden pedestrian bridge. She looked at me perplexed, saw I was video-taping and realized exactly what was going on. Ben attempted to take pictures, while holding a wiggly Shelby and Josh started his proposal. Most of the people stayed out of the way, except one lady who walked her stroller onto the bridge until I mouthed that he was proposing. She got the hint, but her little boy didn’t. He continued to say “doggy” over and over again while looking at Shelby. :) In the end, she said “yes,” they both couldn’t stop smiling and the whole night was a success! We’re so happy for them! Erin, I just want a chance to redeem myself and “girl’s night.” I promise that I’m not such a dork usually. :) You can see a few pictures we captured after the proposal here.
For the whole year now, Braedan has been talking about and planning his kid party with his friends. It started with preschool and the many parties that he attended for his friend’s 5th birthdays. So Ben and I knew that Braedan’s 5th birthday had to include something fun with his friends. For about 1 second I considered a party at home. Then I thought about July weather…hot….and a bunch of 5 year olds in my house…..crazy….and decided that we’d better find an alternate plan and location. Braedan originally mentioned mini-golfing. Um, no…again can’t imagine doing this with a bunch of 5 year olds safely. His second choice was the local indoor gym, Airtastic. PERFECT! We invited all of his friends and amazingly all but one family could come. I think the mid-week choice meant more people were in town. Braedan decided early on that he wanted a “Mario Brothers” theme for his party. I said “sure,” without ever checking that this was easy or feasible. Well, I guess party stores haven’t kept up with the craze yet because there were no plates, napkins etc for this theme. So we improvised. We stuck with primary colors and I ventured to my favorite, local cake bakery where they created an awesome icing rendition of Luigi (Braedan’s fave). My mom found some mushroom candy containers and we went store to store to collect enough for everyone. In the end, he got his Mario Brothers party and ironically, I think that Airtastic was the perfect backdrop for such a theme….there was a lot of jumping, and bouncing going on! The kids played until they were super sweaty, then gobbled down pizza and cake. Braedan opened all his presents and I was super proud of how polite he was. He called each kid up to help him open the presents and said “thank you” for each one unprompted. It was a great night! As Braedan took his bath that night he said, “Mom, I had so much fun at my party with my friends. Thanks for having a party for me. It was my favorite.” There is nothing like the unsolicited thank you from your child to make your night! We love our boys so much! But I am thankful that the parties are over for a little while…. :) The link to the full album is here
First of all, I’ve finally caught up on posts. Make sure to look back to June 22nd to get all the updates! Below, you’ll see why it took me so long…..
I have finally transferred many of our pictures into photo albums that are easier to update than my old versions. I decided to create a picasaweb album where I’ll keep updated photos. Many have complained that the few pictures allotted on the blog are not enough. So enjoy! You can view the photo albums by using the link provided below and can comment directly on each picture if you’d like, or just generally on our blog. I have decided not to go further back than 2010, but have included a couple of albums for Logan and Braedan that I will continue to add pictures into - almost like a timeline of my favorites. The rest of the albums will be event-based. Enjoy!
Also, I had to post a recent funny video of Logan. I took the video on my phone, so it isn’t the greatest quality, but I couldn’t resist. Logan was looking through a toy magazine (he calls it a map) and letting us know about a toy he wants us to buy him. The first half of the video is him talking to Ben and I about the cool toy. But wait for the end where he scolds his Mommy for video taping him YET AGAIN!
Today, on Braedan’s birthday, we invited some local family to come celebrate Braedan’s big day. It was a super low-key event and thank goodness since our air conditioning decided to croak the night before. So the morning of Braedan birthday was spent at Grammy’s while Daddy got someone out to fix the AC. Some hours, and some hefty moola later, we were able to return home to put the kids down for a quick nap before the family guests arrived. The house had cooled down a bit, but it was still a little warm inside - making it somewhat reminiscent of Braedan’s 1st birthday party when it was 100 degrees outside and our AC couldn’t keep up with the 40 + people in our house and the hot weather. Oh well. For the “pirate-themed” party, we grilled hot dogs, and ate a easy-prep, high calorie meal. Braedan hand-picked his kid’s table guests and Uncle Ben, Uncle Josh, Auntie Kristy and Auntie Erin won out. The “adults” had to sit in the dining room. This made Daddy a little nervous as Mommy never eats on the carpet because she’s a spilling machine. After we were stuffed, we all headed outside to enjoy the glorious day and practice our golf and soccer. We then opened presents and Braedan was delighted to get many more legos, board games, video games, art supplies, money and even some nerf guns (from Logan). After playing some more, we went inside for cupcakes. Braedan blew out his candles in one breath-surely earning his wish- and then dictated who was to eat which cupcake. We ended the night putting together the various lego sets and exploring the many fun toys he got. A long dip in the tub and some bedtime prayers/songs capped out a wonderful day. Thank you Lord for Braedan. He is a precious, precious boy and it is a delight and privilege to raise him. Check out pictures from the day here. Party #? comes this Wednesday when we will attempt to entertain 15 five year olds at a local indoor gym…..
Five years ago, our lives changed forever. Forever for the better. Forever for the happier. Forever more complete. He made me a mommy and Ben and daddy. Five years ago we became parents for the first time when Braedan Josiah Cox decided to come 3 weeks early and fulfill our greatest dreams. I blink away tears when I think of all the joys my children have brought me and how the time just seems to go way too quickly. I am not ready for Braedan to be 5. Five seems so much older than four. He is a boy, no longer in reach of toddlerhood. He is a problem solver, a little engineer. He is creative, intuitive, sensitive. He can figure out most of the things we spell and has a “knack” for eavesdropping. He is in the throttles of pre-literacy and can print his name and many words and read some sight words. Braedan is coordinated and athletic, although still cautious. He can ride his bike, climb most anything, kick a soccer ball, and swing a bat and golf clubs. He has an impectible memory and a keen sense of direction. He is witty and loves to tell jokes–and often is funny when he doesn’t even know it. He is a neat-nit and keeps his toys organized and clean. He loves soft, cuddly things like animals and blankets and will still spend an afternoon or morning cuddling up with his Mommy on the couch. He is a social butterfly, and doesn’t like to be alone. He is always surrounded by people and loves the special relationships he has with his family and friends. He is bright, sometimes opinionated/bossy, but extremely intelligent. He can legitimately beat adults in some games. Braedan impresses us with his mathematical/logical reasoning–he is very left-brained at times. His ideas are usually right/good, but even if they’re not he thinks they are. He treasures his little brother and plays with him constantly. They are best buddies, confidants of the deepest kind. His sensitive heart is tender and his feelings get hurt easily. He often doesn’t handle teasing or sarcasm well, and grows frustrated with jokesters. He needs hugs and kisses to let him know things are okay after his sometimes impulsive behavior gets him into trouble. Braedan needs encouraging words, not just actions to feel loved. When I think of Braedan, I think first of his magnetic smile. It lights up his whole face–for that matter, the whole room. His giggles lift my spirit every day and the warmth of his hugs remain in my memory long after they’re over. I love my first born more than he’ll probably ever understand (maybe until he has one of his own). Braedan, you are a treasure and your Daddy and Mommy thank God EVERY day for the blessing of you. Happy Birthday Little Britches! Now, can you please stay 5 forever? Mommy and Daddy can’t handle you getting any bigger!
On Thursday evening we went to St. Joseph, Michigan to visit Pop Pop and Tutu and celebrate Braedan’s birthday. My mom graciously drove me down after the workday to Ben’s work since Ben’s work is half-way to MI. She then drove his car back and we were on our way. When we got there we met Tutu and Pop Pop at Silver Beach Pizza. This is one of Ben’s and my favorite places to eat in MI and one we frequented often while living there. The boys watched for the train to come while we waited for our table. After a yummy meal, we headed back to the condo to get ready for bed. It was an interested feat to get the boys to settle down for bed in the same room, and so I ended up laying down with them. Fortunately for me, I think I feel asleep first and slept straight through the night. :) On Friday morning we headed out to investigate the new carousel and fountain area. The kids rode the carousel with Daddy and Tutu because Mommy and Pop Pop get motionsick. Then we walked up to town to see the new art attraction “Dogs on Parade” and visit the local toy store. Someone convinced me to climb up on a cannon on the overlook in rememberance of my childhood tendency to climb on them and get stuck. This time I didn’t get stuck, but I’m sure I looked awful silly–especially in my dress. Next we headed over to the toy store where we had fun looking through all the neat toys. We tried on many hats, and costumes, played with the Thomas table, had a puppet show and finally Braedan picked out some new toys. Lastly, we went to lunch next door before heading back for naps (Mommy and Daddy too). After naps, we decided to head out to look at Pop Pop and Tutu’s new cottage they’re building down the street and then went to dinner at the local Mexican place. Our plan was to go to the fountain and beach park after dinner, but the lightening and thunder began and we had to give up those plans. Instead we ate ice cream cake and opened presents before going to bed. Braedan got his own set of Tiger Woods golf clubs and a golf lesson the next day. He was so excited! Friday night, the kids did much better sleeping in the room which was a relief to their exhausted parents. On Saturday we woke up ready to head to the golf lesson (and then the men were going to golf 18 holes after)….but it was still rainy and the previous night’s rain had flooded parts of the golf course cancelling lessons. So instead, we put on the kids’ new rainboots (I purchased them the day before) and went outside to puddle hunt. Logan instantly took to jumping in the puddles, while Braedan was hesitant. Soon, both boys were jumping in the water and playing in the fountain. And after that, what else should we do but go to the beach to get covered in sand?? So we played there for awhile before deciding to change plans and go to a movie in the afternoon. After lots of clean-up, lunch, and naps we were ready to go to the movies when Pop Pop told us that Braedan’s lesson was back “on” for the afternoon. So we changed gears and headed to the golf course instead. Braedan had an awesome lesson with the golf pro Mike. It was amazing for the teacher in me to watch how he explained the golf swing to 5 year old Braedan. By the end of the lesson, he had Braedan lining up his shot correctly, taking a nice gentle swing, and turning his body to follow through on his toe. Braedan only chipped and putted, but did great. It is definitely something that we will continue to work on with him at home. After his lesson we went to check out the kiddie pool for future visits. Logan decided to go in a bit (he had his suit on) and then Braedan decided to roll up his shorts and follow Logan in. Soon, Braedan fell face first and soaked himself and his clothes. At that point, I “threw in the towel” and let them play. At the car we stripped down to diaper and underwear and made the trip home while the men golfed 9 holes. While the guys golfed, Tutu and Mommy took the boys to the beach. The riptide warning was at red, so no one was allowed to swim in the lake. So it got very hot very fast. Quickly, we decided to go to the fountain instead and then back to the condo. We were wiped out. When the men returned, we packed up the car to get ready to leave for home. Of course a trip to St. Joe wouldn’t be complete for Mommy unless we went to Clementine’s. I cheated on my calorie count for the day by eating way too many onion rings. My trainer won’t be happy on Monday, but oh well. The kids were asleep in the car before we even made it to the highway…and after a relaxing, calm drive home Ben and I commented on how we couldn’t wait to sleep in our own beds that night. But it wasn’t to be, because when we arrived home, it was 85 degrees in the house and our air conditioning was broken…….Thank goodness for Grammy who welcomed us with open arms and beds so that we could have a cool night’s sleep. You can see the whole album of pictureshere.
My brother arrived July 12th, 2 days before his 30th birthday! We celebrated all day with him on July 13th. We went to Quizno’s for lunch, and then home for naps (Ben included who was very jet-lagged). Then when my Ben got home from work, we all headed out to Giordanos for dinner. My brother was craving some deep dish Chicago-style pizza. Then we came home and enjoyed some outdoor playtime before cupcakes and presents. Enjoy some pics of the time with Ben and Kristy so far here and check out the funny video below of Ben’s bday.
Happy Birthday my dear brother! How special it is to share this milestone with you. You realize that you can no longer taunt me for being in my 30’s right? I’m so glad that we finally get to celebrate with you after all these summers apart. And how special that your daughter will soon be here with us!? What a wonderful 30th birthday present! I love you!
Today, my mom and I threw Kristy a baby shower. The theme was butterflies and bows and we made some fun things to go along with it. Our favorite creations were the bow holder we designed and sewed and the diaper cakes. We had asked everyone to bring hair bows and ribbons in lieu of a ribbon on their package, and by the end of the shower, baby Marissa had quite a collection of hair adornments. Hope she has some hair! :) We had a really nice turnout of ladies for the shower, many of whom were long-time friends from church. It was great to catch up with everyone. Kristy received an abundance of gifts from everyone and it looks like between all three of her showers, she and Ben will be all set on baby items. At least I am SURE that Marissa will not run out of clothes! :) After the shower, Mom and Kristy spent some time putting together the stroller that mom had gotten them. It was a blast! Now we just need Marissa to arrive so we can play “dress-up.” You can see all the pictures from the day here.
For awhile now, Josh and Erin have been requesting to take the boys on a playdate so that Ben and I can have time together and they can spoil the kids! :) Well today was the day! Josh and Ben had off work which made it perfect. Josh and Erin headed over early in the morning ready to go. The kids were sporting their special t-shirts that they got in their goody bags the previous week with an invitation for the special day. And off they went. Their first stop was Toys R Us where the boys gawked at every matchbox car imaginable. Soon they decided on their treats and headed to the checkout. Their next stop was the local airtastic trampoline gym. The kids, and their uncle and aunt, played for hours on the fun equipment, only stopping once for a juice break. And their final stop was to Choo Choo Johnny’s, the train restaurant by our house. The boys were starving by then and couldn’t wait for the in-house trains to deliver their food. After inhaling their meals, the two were served ice cream treats and then climbed in the car ready to head home for naps. Logan decided to start his nap in the car, but both boys crashed once their heads touched their pillows. I heard that Josh and Erin needed naps too after their fun day. Thanks again guys! It was an awesome treat for all of us! Here’s the whole photo album here.
Today we celebrated the 4th of July with Josh and Erin. They came over for dinner and then we all headed to the fireworks in Naperville. It was hot and muggy, and therefore hot and buggy. Unfortunately, the bug lotion that I brought didn’t seem as effective as the deet products I try to avoid. Oh well, overall it was a great evening with good food, fabulous company and a great light show. Happy Birthday America! Check out our 4th album here.
I missed Kristy’s first baby shower while we were in Kentucky but made her second one at Maggiano’s in Oak Brook. This shower was thrown by Dad and Karen and all the Williams/McClung clan was invited. This is the usual group that gets together for Father’s Day, but this time we had a baby shower. It was a nice time to catch up with family, although there never seems to be enough hours to talk to everyone. Kristy (and Ben) received many nice new things for baby Marissa. It was a great time. Shower number three is next weekend, and thrown by my mom and I. So it is a baby shower month! :) To see the complete picture album click here.
This weekend, Ben and I flew down (sans kids) to Kentucky for Levi and Danielle’s wedding. Levi is Ben’s youngest brother and he and Danielle have been planning this wedding for 2 years. So it was long-awaited! We flew down, got settled at our hotel, pressed our clothes and then got ready for the rehearsal on Saturday. It was SO HOT in Kentucky that weekend with a heat index that made it humid and in the 100’s. This wouldn’t have been a big deal except the whole wedding and reception were outside! After the hot rehearsal, it was a relief to be inside at the rehearsal dinner. Ben and I enjoyed catching up with family and seeing our niece and nephew, Madelyn and Miah. Then Ben headed out to a bachelor party for Levi, and I caught a ride back to my hotel with Alli and Erin. It was nice to get some good chatting time in. I had a lot of trouble sleeping that night, could be that Ben didn’t get back until 2am. I last looked at the clock at 4:45 am and so needless to say I felt miserable on Sunday morning. This put me in tears because we were supposed to meet Vivian and Jesse and their two little guys for breakfast. Ben went without me and took a ton of pictures, but it wasn’t quite the same. :( After sleeping until the early afternoon, I quickly got ready and caught another ride with Erin while Ben went early for pictures. Everything was set beautifully for the garden wedding, but boy was it HOT. I felt so bad for the guys wearing full suits. I thought that they might pass out. After the ceremony the wedding party and family moved inside the air conditioned mansion on the property for pictures. This was a nice break while the weather was given a chance to cool down outside. The rest of the evening was spent in the usual wedding details. There was food, cake, garter and bouquet tosses, and dancing. It was great to catch up with family and even let loose a little bit on the dance floor. I enjoyed being my crazy dancing self for a bit, although I certainly paid for it later. After the wedding, we met Alli and Jon for a late dinner at Fridays and then headed home to get ready for our flight the next morning. It was overall a great time - a whirlwind - but a beautiful event. For a complete photo album of the event click here.
Today was a very special birthday for Grammy so we had to have some extra special plans. Back in April, we had celebrated this milestone birthday with Ben and Kristy but today we had some water fun on our mind. The kids and I took Grammy to the local water park. We headed over there before lunch to discover that it wasn’t open swim time yet. So we made a lunch stop for the kids at Culvers before heading back. We swam and swam in the zero depth entry pool. Grammy shared some of her special swimming tricks with the kids and the boys practiced all the moves they’ve been learning in swimming lessons. Then we went to the kids fun area where the boys went up and down the slide numerous times and Grammy and Mommy became the targets of the water guns manned by day camp kids that were visiting. After lots of swimming, the kids were tired and Grammy and Mommy were hungry. We headed over to Dairy Queen to enjoy a tasty treat before some late naps. When Daddy got home from work, we all headed over to California Pizza Kitchen for a special dinner and then back to our house for presents. It was a wonderful day! Happy Birthday Grammy! :) Check out the full album here.
